Title goes here.

I swear a persons thoughts can be a death trap. Well, at least it seems that way in my head. Things get so complicated in there.

First off, I'm bitter sweet about the summer coming to an end. I'm not ready for it to be over. It feels like the break has just begun and now its winding to a close. I really wish I could go back to about a month ago at camp and do just a couple things different to see if maybe some things would be a bit different now. On the flip side, I'm ready for school to start back cause I feel like that's the only time I get close to some of the people I hold most dear to my heart. I know it shouldn't be that way but it seems like that's how it goes.

Another thing I've been thinking about recently is I'm finally ready to move onto someone else now that things have been fixed with the ex. I know I'm ready to date someone else and want to but there's pretty much no one I'm interested in right now. Yeah I know a guy or two that's good eye candy and have been asked out by someone I know kinda well but none of them seem right. Maybe I'll get lucky this year and find an amazing guy to be with for a while. Dunno. What I do know though is I want that special love in my life that only the one can give you. I am very aware that I will most likely have to wait until after high school or even college to find that love if it's mean for me to have it at all in my life. Oh well.

On a totally different note, absolutely nothing new has happened recently. I. Am. So. Bored. I need adventure. Just need to take a couple of friends and some money and just go out in the world and do crazy stupid things and just live life. Do that and say we in fact did something with our lives and not just sit back and watch life pass you by. We're only young and youthful for so long. We need to do something with it before it's too late.

♥

Midway checkpoint?

So we're only maybe to the halfway point of summer and so much has already happened. Oh where to start? I guess you can consider the trip to 6 Flags the beginning of summer. I had a lot of fun just hanging and screaming my head off with my school friends away from school. For the next week or two after that I did pretty much nothing but swim, lay out and babysit my brother. Big bundle of excitement, I know.

The first full week in June, I went to a camp with my youth group in South Carolina. I must say that week's theme definitely describes that week for me. The theme was Kairos and that's Greek meaning defining moments which I have a feeling that week was a defining moment in my life. I finally fixed a relationship that needed mending, grew a lot closer to a couple people who normally I don't really talk to, and finally realize where I actually stand on my viewpoint of religion and my relationship with God. Also in the group I was in at the camp we went around to at least one nursing home a day to just sing to the elderly and do puppet shows and pretty much just brighten their day. After we would do our show [I guess that's what you would call it], we would go around and just talk to the people and show them love since most of them probably don't have family that can visit them often. I know for sure that 3 of those many elderly ladies really touched me that week. One of them did just by getting to know her and learning how she grew up and having a connection with her through that. Another just told me about what all she was going through and just by talking to her and praying with her I had my eyes opened to the fact that even though she was just another old person, they need love and us younger people really should show them that and be there for them more than we are. The third lady I remember because all I said to her was, "Bye! Have a good day!" and her whole face just lit up to just hear 5 simple words said to her. It really made me realize how much just a simple word can impact a person. I don't think I'll ever forget these ladies or any of the other people I talked to. I also hope that I never forget the things I learned and promised to myself that week too. I really hope that once school starts that I'll be able to keep it up unlike last year when in the first couple weeks I faltered and went right back to the same things. -sigh-

That week and the week after I feel like I got a lot closer to the people in my youth group. I mean we were somewhat close before but now we all feel more like family and I finally have a few more good friendships with people I've been wanting to be closer to. It's also pretty exciting that one of my best friends on Earth has finally moved back to the same side of the country again and is now living two houses down from my house! How epic is that?

Even though I've gotten closer to old friends recently, I'm starting to have the struggle people sometimes get when new friends are added to the equation. I feel like I'm getting closer to my new friends and further from the ones I've been with forever. It's hard to find the balance you need when one of those new friends is kinda a love interest too. I know with time, though, things will fall back into place of how they should be. There's still a lot left to summer and I have a feeling that the trend of awesomeness that has started will continue. :)

♥

Summer '010

So the school year is finally almost reached it's conclusion. My freshman year has definitely been a new experience, but now I feel like I've finally caught on to this whole high school thing.Throughout the year I have learned that studying is the key to surviving academically. After the first couple tests from each teacher, i came to the conclusion that you must take good notes and study them to get a decent grade. I also learned that with just a little reaching out to people can lead to finding people you enjoy hanging out with and maybe even new friends. But to overall survive, I learned that you have to find the thin balance between the two which can be hard. You definitely have to enjoy the time with friends though. I have made so many good memories this year and i know that the trend will continue for the next 3 years as well.

I'm almost going to miss being a freshie next year. Not quite all the way though. I'm finally working my way up the seniority chain and will have people below me next year again. I know the work is going to get harder but I think i can handle it.

As for the moment, I am counting down the days until summer break. i am determined to make this year's summer break as awesome if not more so than last year's which is going provide me with a good challenge. My main goal is to just take it one day at a time and enjoy it as much as possible. And to rest. Rest will be very much appreciated this summer. here's to summer 2010 and the end of yet another school year. ♥

:'/

So... I'm not sure were to start for this one. I guess I'll go back a few weeks ago when it all started. My grandmother had a case of pneumonia and she couldn't hardly breathe so she had to call an ambulance and was in the hospital for a weekend. While she was there in ICU, the doctor's discovered that her heart only has 20% capacity or whatever when she's supposed to have around 90% so it's pretty bad. The doctor's even told her that she could pretty much go at any moment and that basically she's a dying woman as we speak. That alone has got me upset. About a week or so after she got home from the hospital she went to a cardiologist for some tests and ended up having to spend the weekend with us. That same weekend she was put on oxygen for when she sleeps. They said eventually she'll probably have to be on it 24/7. Starts bothering me more at this point. Just yesterday we were at her house visiting for a little bit and she told us that now it doesn't take much for her to get short of breath. Like it only takes talking for too long and she starts to get short of breath and has to gain it back again. If you have ever met her, you know that this sounds nothing like her and this is how bad its getting and its getting there fast. Even when we see here now, the conversation comes up about what to do with her stuff, her will, and everything like that. They expect me to be the strong one too since in most other circumstances I am but in this one I'm usually crying my eyes out on the inside when they talk like that. And it doesn't help matters that I never know when I'm with her if it will be the last time I ever talk to her, hug her or say I love you to her. I really wish she could just get better and we go on with our lives happily but pretty much the only way for it to get better is for her to pass on to her perfect body in heaven that's waiting for her. All in all, this is a really hard time for me emotionally and it's probably going to get a lot worse before it'll get better.

♥

You've lost your muchness. xD

I has been a while since I have blogged just for the heck of it. I guess it's a good thing that I actually have something to talk about but recently it's been about a bunch of deep topics. Well... At least for me. So... Here's to a pointless blog to entertain those who like random ramblings. :)

I was on facebook the other day and one of my friends on there had a status that intrigued me. It basically was about how she met some people somewhere and they thought that she wasn't supposed to be as good looking and nice of a person just cause of the school that both she and I attend. Apparently, to go to our high school you have to be from the ghetto and be all gangster or white trash. To me, that just shows that people really need to get to know people better or at least have more knowledge of what they're talking about before they go off running their mouth about something. Yeah, we did have a really bad fight Friday afternoon and we've had other issues but so do other schools. Most people at my school aren't that bad. Well.. Not like they're thinking. There are still some non-sluts and non-gang members at my school. Several people actually.

My point? Know more before you create a judgement/conclusion.

On a happier note~ ♫ hahah cheesey, I know but it still probably made you smile. :) or not. Dunno. I'm not sitting with you right now as you read this to see your expression so...

Anywho. I saw my new favorite movie this weekend. I even blogged about it on November 22. Oo. Haha. Yeah.. Alice in Wonderland finally came out! And It. Was. _______. Fill in the adjective of your choice cause I can't pick just one myself. I absolutely loved it. I kidnapped my friend and we saw it in 3-D. Cause that's what the cool kids do. I won't tell you anything that happens because I hate spoilers so I'll wait a while to talk about deets. If you know me in person and just haven't happened to stumble upon this blog, then you know I will defintely be quoting this for a while.

A few of my favs: "You were much... muchier back then. You've lost you're muchness."

"Speak. Entertain me with you're words. ... I love my fat boys."

"Am I mad?" 'Yes. Absolutely bonkers, but let me tell you a secret: most of the best people are.'

There are so, so many more quotes I absolutely love that I cannot recall at this moment.

But yes, Tim Burton's Alice in Wonderland is, by far, my favorite movie now. :)

^ main song for it. Alice by Avril Lavigne. ♥

Not sure what to call this, so I'm going with this. :)

As of Friday, I am now officially 15 years of age. I am hoping that this new chapter in this incomplete book of my life will be a little bit better than the last. Keeping with the metaphor, Chapter 14 was rather crazy for me. I mean this point a year ago, I knew I was becoming more rebellious and all but i didn't know I was just a week or two away from making the biggest mistake of my life so far. I changed so much during this time. I painted my room, pierced my ears for the first time, started straightening my hair, viewpoints changed, my inner person changed. I started getting closer to my best friend at the time, Jasmine, before I had to deal with her moving across the country. All of this and more has made me into the person I am today and I am aware of this even though I'm not proud how it all came about. The closer to the 1 year mark the more I am reminded. Most people don't even know how I wild my spirit truly was at that time. And then around sometime in June I went to a camp with my youth group and it made me really think about all the crap I had done/was doing and how most of it wasn't right. I started fixing things and it was working for the most part until school started back when i entered this whole new world called high school. Ever since just August, I have changed again too and still am. I'm finding myself facing some of the same challenges as i did this time a year ago. it helps that now I'm closer to my friends and even my family and I also have a great boyfriend there for me no matter what. But I'm also worried that I'm going to fall into some of the same stuff again and i really don't want to. The news I just received yesterday of my youth leader and his wife leaving doesn't really help either. i know we can still talk and go to them for anything but they are the first adults to ever know that much about me. So its hard to deal with that since I feel we all have a special connection with them in just the short time they've known us all. I guess all that was just to say that this next part of my life is most likely going to be a roller coaster of events again. Hopefully it'll be better than last year and that i won't have to go through some of the same stuff as I did last year. Here's to a better year. ♥

15~ :) ~ ♥

So I'm excited for the best day ever. What is that you ask? The day we celebrate my entering into the world. Heck yes. Thats pretty much all I have going on i the near future. Thought you should know. :)

♥

Really? Stupidity annoys me...

There are many things in life that just really rub me the wrong way. Yes I am leading into a rant. Enjoy or leave.

For starters, it really irritates me when people are retarded in a relationship. Specifically when they doubt the feelings of the other one in that relationship. I mean seriously. If he says he loves you and everything why do you doubt it? Especially when you feel the same way or even stronger? And then a couple months after you break up, you still have feelings for him? Really? Not making sense here. End of that point.

Secondly, why on earth would you make such a fan-girl-esque comment on a social networking site about that guy 3 or more months after you're broke up AND he has another girlfriend who happens to be your friend on the site and can easily see it.

The stupidity of that, for one, makes me mad cause I can't stand stupid people.

Also that fact that someone would do that makes me mad too. I know I'm probably sounding insecure or whatever to those who know the situation, but I'm really not.

I guess what all that is getting to is the point of why act like that when you already had your chance? What I'm saying is, if you still have feelings for him you shouldn't have blown it while you had it. Instead of doubting everything, you should have embraced it and enjoyed that the person you liked or even loved had the same feelings for you.

That's all I'm going to say on this for now.

Peace

♥

Bored Ramblings

New friends are an interesting creature. Seriously. They spark so much curiosity since you know nothing about them but at the same time it causes awkwardness for the same reason. I love talking to new people but sometimes I find it hard to find something to talk to them about.

Yeah...

So today in chorus my teacher pretty much made me sing a solo to Send It On. [http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=A3xh6_jhlnU]

It's very obvious I'm not comfortable with those people yet cause I turned red while doing so and normally I do no such thing from just singing. Hopefully soon I will get over this. We started doing Beatles songs too. It's very apparent that they were high when they wrote their work. I like the music though..

Well this is going nowhere unlike what I had hoped for. Oh well. That wraps it up for tonight I guess.

♥

New pilosophical view?

I suppose it's normal to have a change in opinions on certain topics as time goes on. Today in my World History class, we got on the topic of religion. Touchy topic for some, I know. But it really got me thinking about something that been on my mind recently. The faith I have been brought up in is Christianity. I know pretty much everything about it that one needs to know to abide by it. But do you really have to go by a religion to believe in God? Do you have to believe every little ting in the Bible to become a Christian? Or to get into heaven?

So after pondering this, I have come up with my own theory/philosophy on this.

I think that you don't necessarily have to follow a religion to believe in God. I mean, its probably a good idea to follow a religion but I don't think its absolutely crucial like people say it is. I can still be a Christian without going to church or reading the Bible or even agree with everything in the Bible. My perspective after thinking this through is this: You can believe in God or whoever it is you believe in without following a distinct religion.

This doesn't mean I'm gong to go out and forget my values and beliefs such as Jesus being my savior and that there is a God that is the only one. I'm just saying that I don't necessarily have to follow a religion or be religious to do so.

I dunno. Having mixed feelings about this whole "you have to be in a religion" mentality people seem to have.

Just needed to voice it out.

♥